Read about my Oxford trip here.

2024 is quickly coming to a close. But before it does, I wanted to squeeze in one final city. The city in question? Portsmouth. You will find Portsmouth in the county of Hampshire seventy-seven miles from London on England’s South Coast.

I have been very excited to visit Portsmouth, as I have been wanting to visit a coastal city for the longest time. Portsmouth is also a geographical anomaly, as it is England’s only city located entirely on an island – the isle of Portsea.

Portsmouth gained city status in 1926 and it has a straightforward etymology. The port refers to a safe harbour for ships to moor in – Portsmouth has a long and rich naval history – and the mouth refers to the opening of a river – in this case, the River Solent which separates Portsmouth from the mainland.

My journey to Portsmouth began at Waterloo station where I took the 10.30 South-Western train to Portsmouth Harbour. It was an uneventful journey except for this funny sign in the train toilet.

Also, at Fratton, a group of drunk lads boarded, threatening to disturb the peace. Thankfully, they were ultimately harmless. We arrived into Portsmouth at 12.15, ten minutes behind schedule.

I was immediately greeted by the sea, as well as Portsmouth’s dockyards.

I was also greeted by the rain and wind. It was a fierce wind too. I definitely did not pick the best day to visit. Arguably, one of Portsmouth’s most famous attraction is the Spinaker Tower. This tower is 560 feet high offering you the chance to see panoramic views of the city. I’m sure the views were amazing. I don’t know for sure because I was too cheap, to pay the £13 entry fee. Being so tall, you can see the tower for miles, so it was a useful landmark.

The first thing I did was check out the city’s Too Good to Go options. While none of them screamed out to me, I did make a mental note of a couple restaurants to visit later. I was hungry at this point, so I was considering buying lunch at the nearby Slipway greasy spoon cafe, but first I visited Portsmouth Cathedral.

Initially, I was disappointed. Similarly, to Chelmsford, Portsmouth, was definitely short-changed when it came to their cathedral.

However, I found out that the cathedral actually started life as a church dedicated to St. Thomas before expanding into a cathedral in the twentieth century. That did explain the unimpressiveness.

It was definitely not one of the grandest cathedrals I’ve visited. That honour goes to Canterbury.

After finishing in the cathedral, I returned to the Slipway for lunch. Perhaps I should have hunted around more, but my stomach was sounding like a dying whale at this point. Plus, the cafe was cheap. My lunch – cop, chips and beans, plus a cup of tea was £9.75. In London, the price would be double that.

But when I actually received the food, I understood why it was so cheap – the chips were unseasoned and the fish was over-cooked. The actual food itself was only £6.60, so I can’t complain that much. Having said that, the fish and chips I ate in Lichfield were only a fiver and they were delicious.

The cade itself was a friendly place populated by regulars and locals who had a good rapport with the owners. They also sold sticks of rock. Of course, I bought one. I’m by the seaside. How could I not?

At half one, I walked in the vague direction of the nearby Southsea Castle. En route, I saw some pretty cottages, funny graffiti and the Royal Garrison – an old church that was currently closed to the public. There was also a statue to that old naval hero Horatio Nelson.

And, like that, I was back by the sea. Like I said earlier, it was windy. Just look at those waves. They were fearsome. The spray would crash over the walls soaking any poor sod unlucky enough to be walking along there at that time. I was fortunate though. It was certainly a sight to behold. The power of nature.

My walk along the seafront took me to Clarence Pier – your classic British seaside funfair complete with mini-golf, arcades, roller coasters, games and food trucks. Except half of the fair was shut, including the food trucks.

Perhaps this was because of the weather, or more likely, as it was nearing Christmas. It’s probably for the best though, as the food at these stalls was far more expensive than the Slipway cafe. Alas, my seaside walk came to a premature ending, where I was forced inland by some building works. Thankfully, the building works didn’t cover the memorial to the brave naval heroes who died in the two world wars.

I eventually reacted the castle at half two – it was built in the sixteenth century by Henry VIII. Unfortunately, it was closed for the winter.

I continued my walk along the seafront soon reaching the beach. Similarly, to Brighton, it was stony rather than sandy. However, it was still a pleasant walk, as the sea crashed by.

At three, I reached the South Sea Pier. Like Clarence Pier, this pier was half-closed. Despite the winds blowing me all over shop, I had a lovely walk along the pier. Even if I did get wet from the rain and seaspray.

Having completed my nature walk, it was time to mooch around the city centre. Instead of returning along the coast, I headed in-land where I saw some more cool artwork and some streets and buildings named after me. Joking aside, Linton is not a common name, so it’s always fun seeing it in the wild.

Eventually I arrived in Southsea’s – a town in Portsmouth – main shopping area where I looked around their charity shops and food market, which was again more expensive than the Slipway. From a financial standpoint, I definitely made the right choice.

I also used a public toilet lit by a blue light. Eww James. TMI. Why are you telling me? To explain why you sometimes see public bathrooms lit by blue lights. It’s to stop junkies from shooting up in them, as it makes it difficult for them to see their veins. Indeed, upon leaving the toilet, there was a nitty outside speaking loudly to himself.

From here, I continued my walk in the vague direction of the city centre. After getting lost, I eventually found my way, passing the cool artwork of the Astoria music venue

as well as this impressive building that overlooked an ice rink. Am I good at ice skating? Absolutely not. I went with my girlfriend once and I spent the hour falling on my arse.

Eventually, I ended up by Portsmouth’s inner-city train station – Portsmouth and Southsea – the harbour station is right by the coast. I went to the city’s CEX where I picked up a copy of the coming-of-age drama Mud. It is a very good film which I will like to show my parents.

After walking parallel to the Portsmouth University campus, I found myself right in the city centre. Remember earlier how I said I had earmarked a couple TGTG options? One of these was at a cafe in the bookstore Waterstone’s. Naturally, I had left it too late to collect. I guess I shouldn’t have waited until half-four. Instead of spending my money there, I went to the nearby Boots for some self-care products.

Gents, let me tell you something – women have the right idea when it comes to self-care. For at least a year, I have had a weekly routine of baths with salt crystals followed by a face mask. It is the best way to unwind after a long walk.

I am sure there are some men who would call me gay, but I don’t care. I’d rather be gay and do something positive for my mental health – not to mention my skin and body – instead of complaining about how miserable I am. Don’t get me wrong – I do my share of complaining too, but I also know how to treat myself. And gents, if we treated ourselves the way women do, we would all be a lot less miserable.

Don’t worry. I’m putting the soapbox away. But if you do want to treat yourself, Boots are running promotions on bathsalts and face masks. After I went to Boots, I also bought some vitamins – calcium and magnesium from Holland and Barrett. They’re good at promoting regular bone function and the reduction of fatigue. I’m not sponsored, so you know that I’m being honest here. Alas, I do not have the readership to interest any company in sponsoring me.

Anyway, it was five by this point. My train home was at six fifteen, so I walked in the vague direction of Portsmouth harbour station. Because I have an awful sense of direction, I quickly went wrong. Upon reaching a Morrison’s and a naval base, I realised that I was in the wrong area and relented to using my GPS. I thought I was too clever for my phone, but evidently not.

I did pass a couple of pubs along the way, and if I had more time, I would have loved to have stopped for a beer, but alas not. After briefly admiring the Portsmouth nightline, it was time to catch my train back to London Waterloo.

Yes, my lunch and the cathedral were disappointing, but I quite enjoyed my time in Portsmouth. It was lovely being by the sea, even if it was wet and windy, and the city centre was vibrant and lively with lots of cool artwork. It wasn’t dead like other cities *cough cough* Gloucester and Doncaster.

Portsmouth doesn’t quite crack my top five cities, but I would definitely rank it highly. Sixteen cities down. Nineteen to go. Lincoln. You’re next!