Read my Salisbury travelogue here.

The nineteenth city on my list is the Essex city of Southend-Upon-Sea. You will find this city forty miles east of London. It has a simple etymology being at the southern end of the village of Prittlewell. The “on-sea” part distinguishes it from other “southends” by being, unsurprisingly, by the sea. If we are being specific, Southend if located on where the Thames Estuary empties into the North Sea.

Southend only became a city in very recent and tragic circumstances. In late 2021, its resident MP, Sir David Aymess, was murdered by a radical Islamist. In early 2022, to honour his memory, his wish to see Southend become a city was granted.

My journey to Southend began at 11.04 where I took the C2C train from Fenchurch Street to Southend Central. There was nobody to check my ticket, let alone my rail card, but I have since learned that inspectors have railcard validation in-built into their ticket scanners hence why they don’t ask to see railcards anymore.

Anyway, I arrived in Southend at midday where I had to navigate a veritable labyrinth to use the station’s toilets. It was like being in a bloody Wetherspoons. Upon exiting the station, I saw some awesome street art and a restaurant called Van Looy’s which sold take-away fish and chips for £6.95 and a Wetherspoon’s pub called the Last Post.

Alas Southend is not a cathedral city, so there was no over-sized church for me to look around. However, Southend does have the longest pleasure pier in the world at over a mile long. This was my first stop. Along the way, I saw more cool street art and looked around charity shops.

But when I reached the seafront I discovered that the pier was closed, as was the neighbouring theme park. How disappointing. Incredibly disappointing. This was Southend’s star attraction. I was looking forward to walking along it, but it wasn’t to be. It was only later on that I discovered that it is closed on Mondays during the winter time.

Being at a loss of what to do next, I decided it was time for lunch. Having been sorely disappointed by the frozen and overcooked fish and chips I had in Portsmouth, I was determined to get proper fish and chips. The chippies at the seafront were too expensive, so I returned to Van Looy’s where I bought a cod, chips and a coke for £8.45. And it was freshly made in front of me. By 1.30 I was back at the seafront tucking into a hefty portion of fish and chips. It was filling and greasy with salty, vinegary chips. The way that it should be. Granted it wasn’t as cheap as the fish and chips I had in Lichfield, but it was still very satisfying.

Now it was time for a bracing walk along the seafront – I say bracing as it was a cold and windy day. How to describe Southend? Not dissimilar to other seaside towns complete with noisy arcades and squawking seagulls. Picture Blackpool without the tower and you have the right idea.

Having said that, Blackpool was more opened than the half-closed seafront of Southend. At two I returned to the city centre. Instead of heading back along the seafront, I took a circuitous route inland – similar to Blackpool, the further you headed inland and away from the seafront, the more impoverished everything became. But I did walk through the lovely Southchurch Park and St John the Baptist church. It was no cathedral but still nice to look around.

Earlier on, I had seen signs for a museum and an art gallery, so these were my next stops. But first I went on a mission to find the toilets in the local shopping centre. It was another labyrinth, but it was good foreshadowing for finding this museum, as I became lost in the back streets of Southend. When I finally found the museum at 3.15, it was closed! As was the neighbouring art gallery. Turns out both attractions are also closed on Mondays.

However, I had also seen a sign for a priory park, so this was where I headed next. After walking through the civic centre seeing oddities like these totem poles. I found the old Parish Church. I had a lovely time walking around it. It was quiet, cute with a little book shop and cafe. Just kidding. The church was closed too.

At least its grounds were open. They were very attractive.

After this, I returned to the city centre where I bought some bath salts and face masks from the local Savers. Now I had a conundrum to solve. Due to everything being closed, I had run out of things to do and it was only 4pm – 3 hours before my train home. Did I want to wait until 7 or did I use my Contactless card to pay extra to go home earlier. Decisions. Decisions.

While I was considering things, I headed back to the seafront, but walked in the opposite direction to before. I spotted the city’s WW2 memorial – “Lest we Forget-” we should never forget their sacrifice. And I also spotted this haiku written on a heart-shaped label.

I followed the poet on Instagram and she told me she was going to write some more poems soon. Watch this space. This part of Southend was more residential than the other part. There were fewer arcades and more fancy apartments and less fancy b’n’bs. But it was still a pleasant enough walk.

By 4.45, my throat was as dry as the Saharan desert, so I returned in-land to get a pint at the Last Post Wetherspoons I saw earlier. Being St. Patrick’s Day, the pub was busier than I was expecting. Now being the worst travel blogger ever, I don’t remember the name of the pale ale I bought. But I do remember it was £1.79. Glorious!

And drinking this killed enough time that I was able to get my originally planned 7.06pm train back to London. I was tempted to get an earlier train, but I was worried that an inspector wouldn’t accept my off-peak tickets and fine me for travelling before the off-peak actually started. My fears were unfounded, as there were no inspectors. I totally could have taken an earlier train. But, at least, I didn’t pay £10-£12 on my contactless card. Anyway, that was my day in Southend. A day of £7 fish and chips, heart-shaped poetry and the longest pleasure pier in the world. St Albans. You’re next.