*author’s note*

We all know somebody who says this phrase…and usually this somebody is always very out-of-touch and privileged…somebody who says this after they just burned dinner or missed a train. Probably the same person who says “it’s not the winning or losing, it’s the taking part that counts.” The only people who say this are the people WHO never win at anything.

Anyway, at the end of May, England went through a big heatwave. During that heatwave, I was stuck on a delayed train without air-conditioning. This is a poem…i.e a bunch of nonsense venting my frustration.

*

Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger

That’s what they say, the girls and the guys

Your suffering is a blessing in disguise

A matter of perspective

Irrespective of how I’ve lost a kilo in sweat

Because I bet they weren’t soaking wet

Longing for the icy air-conditioning

Like me and my whinging

#Whateverdoesn’tkillyouonlymakesyoustronger?

Pull the other one, mate

You’re having a laugh

Tweeting that from your ice bath

Not from the depths of hell

Where I smell like a teenage boy’s locker-room

Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger?

What bell-end said that?

Probably someone whose biggest problem in life

Is Waitrose running out of £30 pesto

Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger?

What knobhead said that?

Sipping on their mojito

While a mosquito is sucking me dry

I could just cry

Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger?

What absolute helmet said that?

Would you like to swap places?

I’d love to see your red, sweaty faces

This heat will put you through your paces

You could be the heat stroke victim in coach G

That I would love to see

I’ll point at you and laugh

Remind of your favourite words

Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger